Whose potty training who here...

Give me a second while I take a big swig out of my husbands scotch bottle so that I can educate all of you on what I have learned while potty training.

It's something we all have to go through. You can't get around it. I mean you can but then your kid will totally be that annoying bum on the street yelling at a street light and covered in feces. Honestly, after this week, that doesn't seem like that bad of an alternative.

So Saturday we started potty training. Kayleigh has peed in the potty before but never consistently. Plus, after I had Riley I stayed away from the potty because I knew it was going to be a lot of work. I don't like a lot of work. I always take the easy way out and procrastinate until the last minute. I work well this way. I always have and usually I do a pretty good job when you take into account how much effort I put in. Enter kids into your life and the half assing it has to go. I mean you totally CAN half-ass it, be my guest. I am sure the cast of Jersey shores parents put in a 150%...don't you?

Anyways, so thanks ADD for that little tangent...potty training. We started Saturday morning. She was coached for a whole month in Sunset by all family members so I thought it wouldn't be THAT bad. Saturday morning she peed and pooped through five pairs of underwear and six pull ups. It was worse than having a puppy because APPARENTLY it is frowned upon to put your kid in a cage or make them hang out in the yard until it "clicks." A few CPS visits later, KIDDING. So, out of nowhere, she got it. What made it click? I did the following: praised her, encouraged her, threatened her, punished her, begged her, cried, pleaded, yelled, whispered...so take your pick on which tactic worked. Something worked though. Maybe she didn't want to see her dear mother carted away in a straight jacket and thought "I'll give her this one, she IS trying hard." I just didn't want her to pee and poop on my carpet. WRONG way of thinking.

So from noon to bedtime on Saturday we had zero accidents and she was just marching off to the potty all by herself and peeing in it. I patted myself on the back and sat down and considered writing a book because I am awesome and potty trained my daughter in one day.

Day 2. Sunday. Really?? You are going to pee and poop all over my new carpet again?? After another nervous breakdown, my husband took over. His method...leave her alone. She knows what shes doing. I'm sorry, she's been pooping and peeing in diapers for 2.5 years, I was unaware that it was us holding her back. Bottom line...he was right and once the pressure or as we call it when we are kids "mom" was off her back she peed and pooped in the potty with minimal accidents.

So several days later we are doing pretty good. However, we did go see the doctor about a rash that Kayleigh has developed. Now, the doctor says that since it doesn't hurt and is not itchy it is a non-contagious viral rash. It is on her face, arms and legs and a little of her back. It looks horrible. It started on her face and looked like really bad acne. Like how I used to break out if I ate too much chocolate. So great...I gave my kid a rash now by feeding her bag upon bag of m&m's every time she went potty. When it spread I naturally assumed her body was expressing the pressure and stress that I had put her through in the past week.

Still want to potty train? I doubt I will ever get rid of this new tick I have developed and my kid is covered in hives. Good times!!! OK, I don't have a tick.

What I did wrong:

1. Focus on going in the potty and don't do what I did and focus on "don't pee or poop on my rug."
2. Pull ups actually worked better for Kayleigh. Once we started using them, which I vowed not to, she was much more recptive towards potty training. She wears pretty much the same pair all day.
3. DO NOT WAIT TO HAVE YOUR BABY to potty train your kid. I love my kids pediatrician but that was the worst advice ever. You are running to the potty at least every fifteen minutes in the beginning. Even after they get it and start going on their own, you have to stay near the bathroom to make sure they don't try to make new artwork, you have to clean out the potty, wash hands, do the potty dance and then hope to God that there are skittles left.
4. Bring your spouse in on this. Guys are more laid back and don't care about the carpet so may have better luck with potty training.
5. Thank you Christine Moore!! Bribery worked. The poop started flowing after she started getting ballerina barbies! Don't judge...at least my kid won't be the smelly bum yelling at the lamp post at the corner. That's what we all worry about right?

Until next time...I hope you all enjoyed that. I completely understand if my following goes from eleven to zero.